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Dating a Shy Girl: What to Do and What to Say

  • February 17, 2016
  • By Grace
Dating a Shy Girl: What to Do and What to Say

Shy girls may look reserved and unsociable on the outside. They need special people and special environment to open up and reveal their inner world. Very often, they are super talkative and funny with their closest friends. If you happen to fall for a bashful girl, don’t worry. Those girls are very interesting personalities who are just hiding their true nature behind the armor of timidity. It will take you a while to get to know her better and to get her to trust you totally but the game is worth the candle. Here are some suggestions by on how to become one of those people with whom your shy girl feels at ease and make her come out of her shell.

Distinguish between timidity and pride.
Very often, shy people are unfairly blamed for arrogance and pride. People tend to think that if a person is reluctant to speak, it’s because he or she is just on the high horse. If a girl whom you try to chat up is short-spoken and replies briefly to your questions, it’s not necessarily she is trying to let know you’d better leave her alone. Probably, you’re talking to a bashful beauty who feels shy because of your attention. Such girls need some time to feel more freely in your company. Don’t be misled by her restraint: it’s not that she doesn’t like you or doesn’t want to talk to you, she just feels a bit nervous and self-conscious because you caught her off guard.


Take it slowly.
Rushing things you may lose her. Take it step by step to let her get used to you. Respect her personal space. That means you should keep your hands off her and avoid physical contacts (touching and kissing) during your first dates in order not to freak her out.  Also, don’t bomb her with personal questions that may confuse her. Discuss some general topics and be the one who introduces new subjects. Tell her about yourself so that she can get to know you better and have a general idea of your personality. It would be easier for her to feel comfortable with you and trust you if she’s got some information the kind of person you are.

Know what her words mean.
There is a tendency among shy people not to say no directly. They don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings or just really have doubts about your question. They usually drop veiled hints. For example, if you ask her whether she’d like another drink and she answers that she is not sure about that or that one more and she’ll get tipsy, she hides her “no” in such a way. Don’t get hard on her if she lets you know she doesn’t want something.

Be a good listener.
Make her feel that you are really interested in her by listening attentively to everything she says. Since shy girls often lack other people’s attention due to their bashfulness, demonstrate her that at the moment when she is telling you something you are all ears. Pay attention to details and try to remember them. If she mentioned her favorite pet’s name or told you about the upcoming project at her work, prove that you were attentive by asking how her cat Max is doing or how she liked that new project she once mentioned. This way, she’ll see that she means something to you and become more outspoken.


Choose the right place for a conversation.
If you know that she is not a fan of parties and raucous hangouts, delay inviting her to your friends’ party or any other companies where a lot of people come together. There is a chance she’d like to open up but she wants only your company. That is why ask her out to some place where you can talk in a comfortable atmosphere. Be the initiator of your conversation and start discussing general topics gradually coming up to some personal questions which you think won’t do any harm. Since a person’s name is the sweetest sound in the world, address her by her name every time you ask a question or comment her words. First names are the facilitators of greater intimacy between people.

Don’t stare at her.
No doubts, maintaining eye contact during a conversation is crucial. However, the situation is a bit different with shy girls. If you exceed the comfortable time limit of looking at her, she is likely to look away. Don’t take it as an offence or a sign that she is bored. Looking her straight in the eyes for too long, you may embarrass her since she may feel you’re trying to get into her head and read her thoughts. That’s a special feature of shy people and you should respect it. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t look at her at all, just know when it’s time to look away yourself.

Compliment her.
The main thing here is not to overdo with compliments. Start your date by telling her how beautiful she looks or how good her perfume is. This will make her more confident and make a good start for your rendezvous.


Yes, dating a shy girl is challenging but her timidity may encourage you to solve a riddle of her soul. Also, you should remember that you liked her not for her confidence level but for her personality.


By Grace, February 17, 2016
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